Silence is so much more deadly in a relationship than any argument. When someone is silent, they don’t feel the relationship is worth fighting for.
When your partner grows silent, they have resorted to having their internal monologue instead of discussing things with you.

Here are some silent killers in your relationship;


Sometimes these unmet and unrealistic expectations then lead to comparison. Soon we begin to feel ‘if it was Mike, he’d have done this or that.’

More so, with the ease of staying in touch with past relationships through Facebook, text messages, and other social media, the temptation of comparison is excellent.

At some point, the temptation to compare would always creep in.

You might not necessarily be comparing your present to your former, but you could be comparing yours with another.

Oh! Sarah’s boyfriend bought her an iPhone, and your boyfriend bought you a pair of earrings, and now you find yourself rethinking your relationship.

It is even worse if you have to compare them to their faces. But still, whether you do it directly or silently, the resulting outcome is the same.

Testing your current relationship, based on a prior one or that of another, is an excellent way to kill your relationship even before it begins.

 Withholding affection

Withholding affection can be a form of emotional abuse, usually done to maintain control or inflict pain for whatever reason.

These affections could be in various forms, whether appreciation means being touchy-feely, asking intense questions about meaningful things, helping each other through obstacles, etc.

Being absent and affectionate for a long time, with or without just cause, can bring some doubts in a relationship that ends up being irreparable.

Poor Communication

This is undoubtedly the number 1 silent killer because I believe when you and your partner communicate appropriately, many other things will be in check.

Communication doesn’t involve talking alone but listening and understanding. Some of us are more concerned about what we have to say than what our partner has to say.

This means texting only some days but failing to talk to each other about things that matter or bother you when they come up or conveniently leaving out specific details.

All that shit gets bottled up or revealed eventually, and it’s usually unmanageable by the time that happens.

Lack of trust

Trust is meant to be the foundation of every relationship, and when this foundation is shaky, then the whole relationship is as well.

True, some people might naturally have trust issues and be unable to give total trust, but at least there must be some level of confidence.


All living things require care. A plant will twist and bend towards the warmth of the sun. If neglected, it will simply die. How much more must we give warmth, nourish and feed our relationships if we want our bond to flourish?

A newlywed couple will go out, call or text each other throughout the day. The relationship is cherished. Time together is valued.

When we take our lives and relationships for granted, thinking that we will always be here, we overlook the goodness we have been given. We stop appreciating moments together. We make time for everybody but the one we have pledged to care for forever. Without realizing it, we cause our spouse to feel like everyone else comes first.

Relationships need to be nurtured. Loving words and loving gestures warm your spouse’s soul. We hear about setting up ‘date night,’ but how many take the time to have an honest conversation or do something enjoyable together? Take a walk side by side; no devices are allowed. Have a hot cappuccino together.

Even read this article and exchange ideas. Do something to signal that you are invested in your relationship.

When you are in the company of others, be sure to give attention to your spouse.


Small acts of scorn poison the atmosphere. Disdain, for the way he drives and the way she tells a story, snowballs into disrespect. Qualities you used to find quirky or even endearing are now annoying. Putdowns, rolling eyes, and sarcastic barbs become the norm.

Reboot. Refresh. Reconnect. Don’t allow yourself to fall into this dark pit. The change will take work in both heart and mind. First, seek out the good qualities that you know your spouse possesses. You saw them, and you will see them again. Time may bring us to suffer disappointment and pain. Life is not what we thought it would be. There is grief; there is sadness. People sometimes crumble. But what lies beneath? Remember the kindness, the sense of humor, the passion for life.We all want to feel cherished.

Unresolved trauma

Everyone enters into a relationship with baggage. But failing to deal with baggage or past trauma can hurt your relationship without you realizing it. “When a person suffers from unresolved trauma, they’re often incapable of living their lives without responding to some form of triggers related to that trauma, For instance, if you’ve been cheated on, your partner going away for a work trip might cause you to become worried, anxious, and insecure. So instead of letting your partner do their own thing, you’ll need to check up on them and stay in constant contact. Dealing with past trauma isn’t always easy to do by yourself. Therapy can be helpful in this case.