In some culture especially Nigeria when a woman is being abused in her home people often gives her advice to go through the pain just for the sake of the children.
To them they believe that the children is well taken care of by the two parents even though there is chaos in the home. The mentality is that as long has the child is provided for and sent to school they are fine.
The reality of this is that this children see everything their parents do and soak it up into their brain. When there is abuse in a home and the children watches this you are teaching them art of being violent and this can destroy them.
Children don’t just listen to what we say; they watch how we live our life and also learn from what we do. When a child grows up in a house where one parent is constantly shouting, insulting, or hitting the other, that child is learning.
The are learning that violence is the way to solve things, they learn that hitting a woman is a good way of disciplining them, they learn that a woman is suppose to live her life in fear around a man, they learn that violence is sometimes a love language shown to the people we care about.
When a child or children stay in that kind of home then you are unintentionally teaching your son that this is how a man should treat his wife.
You are teaching your daughter that she is really not important and that she doesn’t have any value in the home so therefore she must endure pain to keep a family together. This is how the Cycle of Abuse continues from one generation to the next.
This creates a constant state of anxiety, just like the victim parent. This stress can affect their schoolwork, their physical and mental health, and how they relate to folks. Many children from abusive homes grow up to be either abusers themselves or victims because that is what they have know through their parent.
Yes, we value marriage in our culture but it should not be a thing of pain for anyone. No one deserves to suffer just because they are married. A peaceful home with one happy parent is a thousand times better for a child’s development than a toxic home with two miserable ones.
As a matter of fact when a woman stays in an abusive marriage just because of her children and later losses her life then it’s a big loss for her and the children.
When you choose safety, you are teaching your children that they have value. You are teaching them that other are valuable and need to be loved properly. You are teaching them that violence is not the answer to things. You are breaking the chains of the society’s opinion and choosing the safety of you and your children.
Don’t just stay “for the children.” Choose to be safe for the children. Breaking the cycle is the greatest legacy you can leave for them.
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